


feeling as good as lovers can

by sapphfics



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9329570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphfics/pseuds/sapphfics
Summary: On nights like this, Clary stays up until early morning light pierces the window, sketching pictures of Alec’s ghostly grin, Magnus surrounded by objects that time forgot, Max’s wide eyes as he reads the final issue of his most beloved comic book series, Luke and her mother at the wedding she always dreamed they would have, Jace with his rare smile. She draws their smiles brighter than they were when she saw them, because she knows they’re happier without her.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



It’s far from perfect, but nothing is, not really. 

Some days, Clary’s terrified she’s going to end up exactly like her mother, lying and ripping out her child’s memories the way she tore the seraph blade from the demon’s stomach, attempting to murder her child in the name of a dead flower, until Izzy holds her and Clary reminds herself that they have no children and never will. 

Some nights, Izzy wakes up screaming at two am from nightmares of Alec’s lifeless body and the finality of Jace’s goodbye. She hopes Max is getting help to learn his runes now that she’s not there. Izzy still writes them birthday cards and keeps them in a shoebox beneath their bed, unsent. They don’t even know if any of them are still alive, but Izzy likes to think she would just know somehow, and so they leave it at that. 

On nights like this, Clary stays up until early morning light pierces the window, sketching pictures of Alec’s ghostly grin, Magnus surrounded by objects that time forgot, Max’s wide eyes as he reads the final issue of his most beloved comic book series, Luke and her mother at the wedding she always dreamed they would have, Jace with his rare smile. She draws their smiles brighter than they were when she saw them, because she knows they’re happier without her.

Demons find them, as always, but they’ve still got their runes from the steele Clary stole and enough basic instinct to sense them. And, sure, kitchen knives can’t hold a candle to seraph blades, but they make do with what they’ve got. Besides, Clary only has to picture the knife boring into Valentine’s skull and the creature turns to dust.

They say hope dies first but Clary still hopes they killed Valentine. She hopes Simon is okay, hopes Raphael got the apology he deserves, hopes Luke got to play a part in the demises of the man who ruined his life, hopes her mother got justice, hopes Jace is safe and recovering - she only wishes she could watch and cheer with the rest, as the life drained out of him - but she’s not entirely sure if they did. She can’t feel that his reign of terror has ended, not in the way Izzy insists she would if one of her brother’s died. Maybe it’s just because she never loved him the way Izzy loves her siblings. Maybe not. She doesn’t know. 

They’ve got a tiny apartment above an art studio where Clary paints landscapes and postcards for tourists. Izzy looks for work and searches up recipes online and tries a new one every day until she can make something Clary truthfully declares edible. It’s not much, but it’s enough. Enough to keep them feed and happy, for the most part.

“You can go back if you want,” Clary reminds her almost every day. “They’re better off without me, but you were one of their best warriors.”

“When I said you had me and that wasn’t going to change, I meant it,” Izzy tells her. “Besides, why would I ever want to go back, if you’re here?”

Clary kisses her as though she has never known sadness.

“So, a customer of mine runs a kickboxing class,” Clary mentions casually over dinner. “You wanna go?”

“Only if you get me flowers after I win every match,” Izzy says. 

Clary doesn’t know if she’s joking, so she shows up at Izzy’s first match with a small bouquet of roses sticking out of her handbag, cheering louder than is probably appropriate, and Izzy grins at her from across the ring. 

They carry the trophy home together, holding hands as they did the night they fled from the Shadow World with nothing but three suitcases. The roses are hanging out the top, like a misshapen vase. Clary clutches her camera and snaps another photo of them. 

Izzy rests her head on Clary’s shoulder on the subway, and she seems happier than Clary’s seen her since they left. Clary never thought she could feel normal again, could feel this good about being completely ordinary. But she is, and it’s all because of Izzy. 

Clary hopes she never lets go of this feeling, as though she’s finally where she belongs.

**Author's Note:**

> so my best friend chloe prompted me to write clizzy domestic fluff and ?? yeah ??
> 
> anyway, this is an au where they ran away together after 2x02. 
> 
> i hope you liked it ! please tell me what you think? :0


End file.
